Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Bento 8.5ish and some feelings

I ought to get my head checked! Today, I left my bento at home (Boo! Hiss!) then sat in the wrong room until the professor walked in and warmly shook my hand before I realized I had no idea who he was...So here's my dinner instead of tomorrow's bento:
  • Onigiri Hearts (found some leftover dye from my attempts at making heart shaped pancakes that SOMEone mistook for ham)
  • Guacamole
  • Salsa
  • Nori


No, I haven't jumped on the Valentine's Day hype (even if I jumped on hypes, Caturday would probably be the first and the penultimate). There's going to be a bit of catharsis in the next couple paragraph to explain the hearts so feel free to skip if you are not the touchy-feel-ly type.

I came to law school because I wanted to be a juvenile defender. First semester of law school was brutal mentally, physically and financially. Even outside of school, there's been a lot of negativity and cynicism among friends. I've been reconsidering this career that I'm about to stumble my way into, a career that makes only 1/2 to 1/3 of what I'd make in private practice, with extremely limited resources, and a workload that will undoubtedly bleed into my social life (if you've been a inner-city public school teacher, you know EXACTLY what I mean), defending kids who won't even look at me the eye in the end because I just lost them six precious years of their lives to the big house.

Today, I wandered (okay, I smelled the free food) into an info session on "public defenders the indigent defendants" with Professor Jonathan Rapping who spoke about his beginning as a juvenile defense attorney and how he went on losing many cases and almost giving up many times but ended up keeping on going because he wanted to be able to look at himself in the mirror every morning knowing that even though he cannot change the system overnight, he was making a difference. I looked down at my Team Eddy hoodie and thought "oh yeah!".

I remember that fulfilled feeling during my time with Citizen Schools. I remember how "my students" became "my kids", and that swell of pride when a regular ed. kid first bumped fist with one of my SEI Chinese kids as they passed each other in the hall because they had met in my kung-fu class, and most importantly, how I had a network of support to help me through the everyday crises. It's scary how I almost lost myself over the past couple months but the hoodie will live in my locker from now on as a reminder of why I am here.

So these hearts go out to my kids and the impossibly amazing people at the Eddy. You've taught me how to persevere and defined who I am.

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